Top Five Potent Tips for More Ecstatic Sex
As someone who remembers how cryptic the concept of Tantric Sex used to seem, it is my mission to thoroughly demystify it by leading people into their own wisdom with the simplest of tools and in the shortest amount of time.
I was exposed to the concept of Tantra during my few years of living in Los Angeles which was full of mostly underwhelming sexual and emotional exchanges. While on hiatus in Brazil, I decided to sell all my belongings in California and took off to the Himalayas to study at the source of yogic wisdom shortly thereafter.
My six year international, intercultural learning spree thus commenced — you can read more on my travels and qualifications in my bio here.
The thrilling theme of this exotic adventure carried itself into my sexuality and now I teach people how to cultivate the vibrant, delicious adventure they want in bed while balancing it with heart-centered intention so they can have that soul nourishing intimacy they truly crave.
In the spirit of keeping the introductory paragraphs short and sweet, here’s the list of my top five tips for an extraordinary sex life:
#1
Take it S L O W. 🔥
Let’s get this straight — heat and passion are damn important when it comes to great sex but tantric sex is centered around the subtleties. If you explore your partner’s body with a beginner’s mind, or from the mindset that getting intimate with this person is a brand new experience, and combine that with more focus on the present moment pleasures than on getting somewhere (like orgasm), you’re bound to discover new sensations while stoking the fire — instead of quickly blowing out the match.
Why is this important?
Imagine, for a moment, that you’re driving the scenic route and you’re going so fast that you miss all the highlights. Those highlights are the reason we take the longer, more nuanced scenic route in the first place — they enrich our driving experience and give us a sense of deeper fulfillment.
If you’re going for better, more ecstatic sex, the answer is in the journey itself. Find a pace that is slower than your norm and exciting enough to keep things interesting! Don’t forget to take your time at the most delectable moments.
By the time you get to intercourse — both parties will be thoroughly revved up and really ready to go!
#2
Observe yourself & your partner.
Using your senses, tune into what feels like a big YES for yourself when it’s your turn to receive pleasure and likewise for your partner when you’re giving.
When giving pleasure:
Listening to the length and pitch of your partners moans or responses to your touch, feeling and witnessing the expansion, fullness and pulsation of their body parts and breath while simply acting according to their requests are simple ways to ensure you are delivering most attentively and with precision.
Most importantly: Try giving pleasure without attachment to the outcome or feeling pressure to perform. Sometimes people know exactly what they want and sometimes an experience is purely explorative. Removing expectations and pressure helps create a much greater sense of satisfaction on all sides. Be in the mindset of giving your all while knowing your all is good enough!
When receiving pleasure:
Tune into your body (read “Tips for More Embodied Sex below”) and guide your lover according to what you sense you most want in the moment. Allow every single part of your body the opportunity to deeply relax before beginning to receive and notice what parts might tense up or cease to stay present and receptive during intimacy. Breathe into those spaces and witness without judgement or concern.
If you want to try something new with your partner and aren’t sure how to approach it, you might want to read my article 5 Powerful Steps for Creating Conscious Change in Relationships.
#3
Breathe deeply, consistently and together.
If this post was written in sequential order I recommend the steps be taken, this would be in the number one spot. Breath is at the foundation of ecstatic experiences and so it only makes sense that it is in the top five tips for more ecstatic sex.
Starting out by laying next to your partner with your chest and abdomens touching, or with one on top of the other, taking deep inhales that fill up the core and exhaling together, in sync, through the nose, is a step that evades most love making sessions.
This same breath is recommended throughout the intimate experience and in any position for maximum relaxation, connection and awareness between partners. You can also mix it up by exhaling through the mouth and/or with noises and sighs. Doing so helps cool down the both and cultivate deeper calm.
Yab-yum is another position intended for helping partners sync up. It’s a position popularly associated with sacred sexuality and tantra and it’s depicted below.
Breathing together while in yab-yum helps a couple sync their breath and mood before sex.
Alternatively, the partner sitting on bottom can rest their back against the headboard or similar, or help support better posture by partially resting their seat on a pillow. Doing so will help them tilt forward and maintain their posture with more ease while also helping the partner on top relax and balance more comfortably.
Remember, any of these practices can be done before, during and after an intimate session.
#4
Make sounds!
In yoga, each chakra has what is called a bija mantra, or seed sound. These are said to help activate and balance the corresponding energetic and emotional components of each chakra.
Sounds are an integral part of life and creativity, from music to conversation to the uncontrollable and indiscriminate sounds of ecstatic pleasure. Sound is a force for connection and expression that governs much of how we respond to each experience.
To both express and more deeply cultivate pleasure, the use of sound is recommended while receiving or giving pleasure. Sounds from both partners can boost feelings of desire and encourage both to more freely express.
Keep it Simple: Start with sounding out a few vowels you are most comfortable with. Experiment with “E,” “O” (ohhh) and “U” (oooh). If you’re feeling a bit wild, a little “rawr” never turned anybody off. 😉
#5
Get out of your mind and into your body. (with exceptions)
Getting to know what turns your partner on and exploring their psyche is essential to consciously creating a more thrilling sexual adventure, but once you’ve discovered something you could both enjoy, try dropping into your body and engaging with the fantasy or theme by syncing it with your senses. Feelings, taste, sight, sound and touch can take us so much further into our embodied pleasure than overthinking!
Tips for More Embodied Sex:
Meditate on circulating your breath from your heart center to your genitals. Inhaling deeply as you draw the breath up and exhaling (with sound if you choose) as you let the energy of the breath drop into your erogenous center will both help you connect your heart and your sex and move your focus from your mind a more embodied state of presence.
One more timeless tip: Try using a blindfold to enhance sensations other than visuals.
I work with clients on a one on one basis and in groups to help them learn how to more deeply satisfy their needs and desires in sex and relationships!
