5 Powerful Steps for Creating Conscious Change in Relationships

How does it feel when you bump up against insecurities in relationships? Like when you realize that subconsciously you’re working overtime to impress someone because elsewhere you feel inadequate or your fears of abandonment are coming up and all you can experience is the overwhelm of your fears and pain body responses?

Maybe you have experienced shame for your desires and fantasies and fear your new partner might shame you, too. What do you do when these experiences creep up on you?

Do you shut down, hide and ignore your truth?

Do you seek an outlet outside of your relationship that your fear for your partner to discover?

Do you anxiously avoid intimate conversations with your partner?

Does it feel like part of you is dying because you’ve prevented the expression of something that once felt so alive to come through freely?

Do you feel stuck in yourself and in a relationship, feeling unsure of what to do and certain it’s doomed to fail, or at least become stale?

It’s easy to get trapped in relationship patterns that ultimately stunt us in our growth. Sometimes this happens because we haven’t been shown any other options or realized that how we relate is actually a choice.

That’s right, we get to choose whether our relationships are safe containers for personal transformation and growth or whether they are spiritual dead ends, keeping us operating from the same limited perspectives that have formed in our minds and bodies during our lifetimes, starting from birth.

There are a few easy action steps that can be taken to start changing the ways we relate and can be implemented in any stage of a relationship. If you find yourself having a conversation about personal growth in your relationship, here are a few steps you can suggest in order to help things move forward:

1. Establish mutual safety: Discuss what would be required for both parties to feel safe while also exploring new territory in the relationship. Usually, this is where communication standards are established. If any trust concerns arise, it is important that those are addressed and resolved before the transformative trailblazing begins.
2. Allow for creativity: Explain the need for both parties to come from as neutral and open perspective as possible, as though this a fun growth is a process of experimentation. Doing so will encourage both parties to feel more comfortable in asserting their needs, feelings, ideas and BLISS! Have fun!
3. Remember innocence and the power of vulnerability: Many uncomfortable things that come up in our adult relationships are, at the root, unaddressed or unresolved needs and desires from childhood or early development phases. This means that underneath a lot of these awkward exchanges is an inner child that is wanting protection, nurturing and healing. We can help our parnters come back to wholeness by acting as a safe witness for any and all of the vulnerable shares that are bound to come up.
4. Understand Cognitive Re-framing: Cognitive re-framing is a term in psychology to describe the process of changing our thoughts, patterns and relationships to feelings and situations. Doing so allows up the opportunity to expand our perspective on the world and our lives, possibly opening up new doors in life by deconstructing old patterns and fears while supporting us in our intentions for growth and change. The opportunities to re-frame often come along with precision awareness of our habits, fears and reactions which we observe in order to shift.
5. Act Intentionally: Relationships and the human psyche can be delicate matters. It is important that we pace the process for change at a rate that both parties feel comfortable and inspired, rather than rushed, attacked or tired. In a way, this step is related to the first step where safety is prioritized, because moving too quickly or not at all can bring up feelings of danger in either party.

What is referred to as alchemical work in relationships can create profound changes, especially in relationship dynamics that feel dull, unstable or stagnant, as if they’re not moving, creating unnecessary chaos or even as if they are dragging you down. It is equally important to recognize that safety does not always guarantee permanence and comfort; rather it sets the stage for mutual commitment to one another’s needs as jointly outlined throughout the growth process, whether that brings you closer together and more bonded in partnership or to the realization that the necessary growth your soul seeks is work done apart from one another, or even somewhere in between. This work is likely to become uncomfortable at various turns and will likely challenge the notions of what relationship could or should be.

If you’d like to out my Relationship Alchemy Method at home, all you have to do is head to my website, listed below, and enter your email for the free worksheet download!

www.ashleyencantada.com